The Life of the Almighty Bunghole
"There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there."
I'm pretty sure a famous scientist said that.
My name's Beavis. Yeah, yeah, I'll just let you sit there in shock for a second at how smart I sound right now. What? You say. But you're that blond kid whose mind is always somewhere else and whose focus is always off, the decisions he makes judged only by whether or not his other half deems it good or bad. I am. I won't lie. And I can tell you that I'm not really an idiot.
It's already been made clear to you that I have schizophrenia. I've had it my entire life, the mad, whispering voices hidden inside my barely-empty skull acting as the soundtrack to my dysfunctional life. Ever since I was able to understand English, I've been haunted by them.
I'm pretty sure a famous scientist said that.
My name's Beavis. Yeah, yeah, I'll just let you sit there in shock for a second at how smart I sound right now. What? You say. But you're that blond kid whose mind is always somewhere else and whose focus is always off, the decisions he makes judged only by whether or not his other half deems it good or bad. I am. I won't lie. And I can tell you that I'm not really an idiot.
It's already been made clear to you that I have schizophrenia. I've had it my entire life, the mad, whispering voices hidden inside my barely-empty skull acting as the soundtrack to my dysfunctional life. Ever since I was able to understand English, I've been haunted by them.
I was put on mild antipsychotics when I was three since I had the childhood-onset kind, but they didn't help. I am still sluggish and hypersensitive and depressed. They are my cortex and I am merely their puppet shell.
But around the eighth grade, I realized that I am a part of them just as much as they are a part of me, meaning that I could harness them and get them to do what I want them to do.
But around the eighth grade, I realized that I am a part of them just as much as they are a part of me, meaning that I could harness them and get them to do what I want them to do.
So, while Butthead and I were busy slapping each other with rulers and books the past couple of years, I was controlling the voices. In place of them, I was absorbing information that the teachers were spewing, locking it all in before it could leave. Now, I am a junior with a complex memory, rightfully belonging in a gifted class but am not due to underestimation.
Most of our reports are oral, and it's unfortunate because for some reason my true, intelligent words can only be spoken through my hands. I can write – just like I am now – but it's as if there's a barricade between my voice box and mind. So, to everyone including Butthead, I am an idiot who is stealing oxygen from every other person on Earth who actually has a chance and isn't going to work at a fast-food joint the rest of their life. Don't worry, though, I won't talk *this* smart this entire time just so you can keep your image of me as a dummy. I don't mind it; I'm used to it.
Tell me: as you've watched me for the past twenty years (yes, I am aware that I am trapped in a loop, but mind that), have you wondered about what my childhood was like? Did you wonder where my parents were and what kind of parents they are, letting their son tear up their house just to kill a mere fly? I'd love to tell you. I haven't told anybody, ever.
Tell me: as you've watched me for the past twenty years (yes, I am aware that I am trapped in a loop, but mind that), have you wondered about what my childhood was like? Did you wonder where my parents were and what kind of parents they are, letting their son tear up their house just to kill a mere fly? I'd love to tell you. I haven't told anybody, ever.
Butthead already knows because we practically share the same life. But anyway, I should probably begin with our parents.
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